Bringing back the Chronicles of the Squirrels...?

It looks like another spring of Squirrel mania.  Yesterday I spotted three when the woodpecker was taking great liberty with my chimney.  I think I spy a nest, meaning there will be another gang.  My Italian Greyhound, Tootsie aka Batman is keeping a vigilant eye on the back windows.  Please reference the word cloud, click 'squirrels' or 'critter count' to see my saga in the past if you are not familiar.  Somehow, someway, this is all going to be a book someday.

What kind of squirrel capers would you like to read about?  OR, do you suggest to leave this subject be and find another saga? 

Super Squirrels

Okay, I am about to throw in the towel and spring has just begun.

In the past (see the word cloud on the right for squirrel entries) I have battled the elements in my own yard kindly, especially when it comes to the DOGGONE PEACH AND APPLE LOVING SQUIRRELS using a humane trap to relocate them and tasty enticements leading away from my yard toward the open space to try to rid my yard of these crazy, chattering creatures. This way of treating them has backfired on me several times. Those humane traps have also trapped two raccoons (man those dudes are nasty when they are mad), three birds, countless squirrels, our cat and once the neighbor's cat too!

My main goal has been to preserve the end of summer preserves (hundreds of prized peaches and apples) not to mention keeping them from raiding our vegetable garden.

I wouldn't even mind if the fussy, fuzzy varmints had one or two pieces of fruit... problem is the squirrels don't play fair. They wait until my trees are bowing low with the "fruits" of my labor and then climb up into the tree, take a bite, throw the peach, take a bite, throw the peach, take a bite, throw the peach... In one day they will throw twenty peaches to the lawn below. We are not going to eat a peach that has been munched on by a varmint who might be carrying the plague. SO, what to do?

Here's what caused me to think I might throw in the towel and let the squirrels win (problem is Tootsie never will). I was up EARLY this morning because I couldn't sleep, because at VERY first light a woodpecker decided the metal on my chimney was the best way to attract a female. Trouble is we have two chimneys and it seems two males were playing their own version of "dueling banjos" on both sides of my house.

As I crept around outside armed with pebbles to toss at MY OWN HOUSE to ward them off, I realized how cold it was because I was wearing sandles, boxers and a t-shirt. AND OF COURSE, my next door neighbor just decided to go for an early morning jog at the same moment I was hurling pebbles at MY OWN HOUSE to scare off the wood peckers. She laughed into her fist and started jogging... Oh humiliation.

As I tried to get into the back door I realized I had let it lock behind me. Now I had to do the unthinkable. Trudge around to the front of the house where of course about ten cars went by on their way to work as I stood in my driveway trying to remember the garage code. DID I MENTION I WAS IN BOXERS?

I finally remembered the code, the same code as my high school locker, DUH!

Then I finally got a cup of French Pressed - French Roast, which now wasn't as hot as I like it, settled onto the couch in my office ready to pull my laptop open, begin some writing when TOOTSIE, my dog, went nuts.

Right outside my office window were, 1, 2, 3, 4... are you kidding me 5 squirrels chasing each other around the yard, each running up a peach tree and staking it out as if to say, "YOU JUST WAIT, WHEN THERE IS LOW HANGING FRUIT HERE, I WILL CAUSE MAYHEM FOR THAT WEIRDO IN THE BOXER SHORTS!"

When this happens there is no calming Tootsie down. She has to go out there and tree the squirrels, look straight up, BARK! look to the window to see if I understand what is happening out there, BARK! Look to my neighbor who is standing at her glass back door trying to figure out why my dog is barking and surely wondering why I was circling the lawn, throwing pebbles at MY OWN HOUSE and did I mention wearing boxers? She looks at me standing in the window looking at my BARKING dog and just frowns and nods her head. Did I mention I was standing at the window (the whole length of my office) wearing boxers?

I counted 5 squirrels treed with my shivering greyhound beneath them, running from tree to tree to tree to make sure none escaped. Then I heard # 6 and I believe #7 on the roof right over my head. I leaned as hard as I could on the window without going through it, looking upward to see if they were bungee jumping off the drainspout and of course as I pulled myself back off the window I noticed the three children who live behind me with their frowning, nodding mother were all pointing and laughing at me. Did I mention I was wearing boxers?

Just Peachy, but the squirrels are STILL the PITS!

About five years ago someone kindly gave me a box of Palisade Peaches (awesome) from the western slope of Colorado and I saved all of the pits.

I pushed the pits down into composted soil around my vegetable garden as I had seen my father do when I was a boy.

I now have seven peach trees growing in my yard and four of them are HEAVY with peaches!

This is our second HUGE year of enjoying a HUGE yield of peaches here in mid-August and they are EVERY bit as good as the original peaches we got from Palisade.

Compost and peach pits! Water and pruning! = Shade, beauty, privacy and PEACHES GALORE!

As I write this I am eating a bowl of juicy peaches and real cream for breakfast! All from a handful of pits. This is one bowl of 14 so far from one tree.

There are still as many on the tree and we haven't even harvested the others (but the doggone squirrels sure love their little trick of pick one, take a bite, throw it onto the lawn and scale the tree again)... I wouldn't really mind if they picked one, took it to their nest and came back only when they were hungry again. Because I spend so many hours monitoring the door for Tootsie, my greyhound who sits and whines at the windows and door when she sees them scaling the tree... I AM SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING A BOOK!

Anyone want to trade a bowl of peaches for a high powered squirt gun? I have spent too many hours relocating the squirrels...

There are two reasons I am not getting my chapters finished...

SPRING HAS SPRUNG! It is my favorite season as it is many peoples. Colorado in springtime is just a cul de sac from Heaven!

The robins are busily tending to their young hatchlings. The other birds are singing merrily in all of my trees. The bees are gathering pollen from the wonderfully flowered out fruit trees and lilacs. The sun is shining and warming the earth. The dandelions are popping up in assorted polka dots across my otherwise beautifully greening lawn. The mountains to the west, just outside my office window are snow-capped and beautiful and the air is perfumed with the essence of new life!

Ahhh... it is perfect... almost, with the exception of my new adult onset allergies... mating, noisy, destructive woodpeckers who have an affinity for the wood around my chimneys, Mama raccoon foraging in my yard (I compost) for goodies, and the doggone squirrels who seem to love to ravage my vegetable garden, steal the bird seed in the feeders, make weird screeching sounds in the trees just outside my bedroom, run and play noisily on the warm roof tiles and DRIVE MY DOG ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!!

My dog, Tootsie aka Batman, is going nuts again! Some of you who have followed my blog in the past have read about my squirrel situation. I have many, many peach, apple, ash, fir, pine, crabapple, aspen and other assorted trees in my yard which is a lovely playground for pesky varmints like these two. In the past I have had a pretty good relocation plan for them, moving them to nicer habitats where they can run free and not worry about my dog constantly running from door to window to door to window to door to window to door to window to door to window to door to window to door to window to door to window door to window to door to window to door to window to door to window door to window to door to window to door to window to door to window door to window to door to window to door to window to door to window, well you get the idea. Tootsie aka Batman is already high strung because of her Italian Greyhound background. My Italian friends talk with their hands, Tootsie talks with her entire being. Squirrels are her nemesis. Just the mention of the word SQUIRREL (dog gone it, just typing it made her spring off the couch in my office and run from door to window to door to window to door to window to door to window door to window to door to window to door to window to door to window door to window to door to window to door to window to door to window door to window to door to window to door to window to door to window door to window to door to window to door to window to door to window, well you get the idea. It's funny, even the word girl or any other word that rhymes somewhat with squirrel, there she goes again, will make her spring to attention, stick both ears straight in the air and ruffle her spine "fur". After talking to others who have relocated the squirrels like me, I have found now that it is true. If you move them, others will come to take his or her place. SO, what are Tootsie and I going to do to make peace here? SUGGESTIONS?

Other than her manic behavior about those furry, brown creatures in the yard, Tootsie is a good girl, NO! NO! BATMAN, I SAID GIRL!

Squirrel # 9 for summer '09

After days and days of rain and the trap being out of commission, I was
working in the garage, set the trap outside with NO bait...WHAM! COMES FROM THE BACK YARD--- Curious George Gets A New Home!

Critter Count Summer 09, 4 Squirrels, make that 5, NO WAIT 6! 1 Raccoon, 1 Bird

This dude or dudette seems to be mooning me...

MORNING NEWS: Squirrel # 4
So, no kidding, when I let this dude or dudette go in the open space he or she sprinted toward a huge blue spruce and as my eyes followed him or her I saw that he or she was joining two other squirrels foraging beneath the tree for pine cones. With peanut butter and apple breath he or she joined them. Bet they are jealous.

Here is something that strikes me odd: everyone that has talked to me about my little squirrel relocation process (adults) have been perplexed that I would take the time to move them. I have heard very creative and brutal methods of dispatching them and I am curious to know what you, my reader thinks about this. Would you relocate or ahem... remove them?
Is it a coincidence that this dude or dudette had a greeting party? Are they playing me? Spying on me? Setting a bigger trap for me?

Trivia Question: In my Go Ask Mom series, who is the villainess that gets her corn stomped down by Gabe and his friends?


LATE MORNING NEWS: Squirrel # 5Now I am just plain lazy. I am putting a little peanut butter on a disposable plastic fork. No more bread for these critters! WHERE ARE THEY ALL COMING FROM???? WE BETTER HAVE A TON OF PEACHES THIS YEAR! I am supposed to be writing, not relocating varmints!!!!! By the way, is this interesting to anyone other than me? Is Critter Count something I should be blogging about? You tell me, but I will tell you that in book 4 of the Go Ask Mom you will see squirrels and bees... inspired by real life events!

NOON NEWS: Squirrel # 6

Okay, I surrender. Wife says, "Well, you don't have to keep setting it!"
I say, "But, if I don't think of the peaches..."
Wife says, nothing, just an eye roll.
I say, "You wanna go with me to let this one go?"
Wife says, nothing again, death stare.
I say, "Be back in a few..."

When it rains... it pours... Squirrels that is! Critter Count '09 (Day Two, THREE SQUIRRELS!)

MORNING NEWS:

For the second day in a row on critter count (the trap has been out for two days) a squirrel has found his or her way to my peanut butter laden bread.

This dude or dudette is currently living in the same treed area as yesterday's so I hope they have found one another and don't form a gang to get back at me when I go to the gym in the morning (same parking lot).

This dude had a tendency more toward the superhero than the military!



Trivia question: From my book Go Ask Mom, which character becomes a vampire one night to scare a certain brother?


LATER THAT DAY!

Okay, now you have got to be kidding me! I literally pulled the trap out of my SUV and set it under the tree with NO BAIT. Mowed the lawn (in between cloud bursts) and showered. When I returned to my office that overlooks the garden area I heard a banging sound that was becoming all too familiar. Low and behold ANOTHER squirrel in the trap. That brings my tally for Summer 09 to 3 in two days. I think I am going to put a dab of spray paint on his or her tail and see if it is just the same one playing games with me... Figures I got the squirrel who is training for a marathon too and just loops around Highlands Ranch and back. He or she just wants me to give him or her a lift out to the park so he or she can run back, lazy dude or dudette!

Maybe I should do this as an occupation???

EVEN LATER THAT DAY!

Okay, this is ridiculous. The yard is teeming with activity and now this is in the trap?? Luckily this is just an open the trap and spring the lucky bird brain.
And all for a quarter of an apple (tried new bait to be sporting).

Oh, what will the night bring????

Critter Count Summer 09 Begins (DAY ONE) not counting the trial run that netted a raccoon...

This morning, after baiting my critter catcher last night with a crusty rye bread and peanut butter treat, I awakened to the absolute largest squirrel I have ever seen sitting in the trap giving me a bit of attitude. I loaded him or her up and relocated him or her to a lovely little treed area on the south edge of Highlands Ranch. "Daniel's Park, HERE I COME!" were the last words I heard him or her scream as he or she scrambled across the field toward a grove of scrub oak...

Trivia question: From my new book The World According to Gabe, which character dresses in military garb and is just a tad annoying with all his army talk?